DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: That BMF
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a bitch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Author unknown
Thursday, December 3, 2009
TOOLS EXPLAINED
At lot of bikers, biker's spouses, significant others are handy, or know someone who is, or at least thinks they are, therefore we can all relate to some of these. Some of us maybe more than others. (You know who you are.) Enjoy!
Labels:
biker humor,
biker jokes,
jokes
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Blog Archive
-
▼
2009
(2306)
-
▼
December
(302)
- Modification motor yupiter brushes
- No More Broken Promises Ever Again
- The Myth of Limitless High Priced Oil
- BMW Recalls 2008-2010 F650GS and F800GS Motorcycle...
- BMW Recalls 2008-2010 F650GS and F800GS Motorcycle...
- Bank Bonuses Again
- The most extraordinary motorcycle GPS mount (but d...
- Yamaha V-ixion Street Fighter modification pictures
- Yamaha V-ixion Street Fighter modification pictures
- Zen and the Art of Scientific Inquiry
- 2010 Honda VFR1200F Wallpapers
- 2010 Honda VFR1200F Wallpapers
- Honda CB300R-Honda Tiger 300CC Specification
- Honda CB300R-Honda Tiger 300CC Specification
- Ward Hawthorne 1938
- Ward Hawthorne 1938
- YAMAHA MIO Sporty Modification Low Rider the blues
- YAMAHA MIO Sporty Modification Low Rider the blues
- ~Monark Rocket 1951-1957
- Monark Rocket 1951-1957
- My Shifter + Hubs Bicycle Collections (Vintage)
- My Shifter + Hubs Bicycle Collections (Vintage)
- 2010 Honda CB Twister Specification
- 2010 Honda CB Twister Specification
- Honda Civic VTi-S Sport Car Tuning
- Honda Civic VTi-S Sport Car Tuning
- Vario Scooter Concept Modification
- Honda Blade Concept Modification From CBR600
- Honda Blade Concept Modification From CBR600
- Gambar Modif Satria F 150 Streetfighter
- Gambar Modif Satria F 150 Streetfighter
- Modifikasi Toyota Yaris Ceper Style
- Modifikasi Toyota Yaris Ceper Style
- Motorcycling in other Countries: Attitudes
- Gemballa Ferrari Enzo Sport Tuning
- Gemballa Ferrari Enzo Sport Tuning
- Modif green colour
- NEW 2010 HONDA CB TWISTER Release
- NEW 2010 HONDA CB TWISTER Release
- The Subliminal Message of Avatar 3D
- 2010 HONDA CB TWISTER PRESS RELEASE
- 2010 HONDA CB TWISTER PRESS RELEASE
- HONDA VFR1200F SPORTBIKE PICS
- HONDA VFR1200F SPORTBIKE PICS
- KAWASAKI NINJA 250CC FULL ORIGINAL BODY REVIEWS
- KAWASAKI NINJA 250CC FULL ORIGINAL BODY REVIEWS
- Swingbike Dodsun 1976
- Swingbike Dodsun 1976
- Raleigh Chopper Mk2 1975
- Raleigh Chopper Mk2 1975
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1972
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1972
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1970
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1970
- Raleigh Chopper Mk2 1973
- Raleigh Chopper Mk2 1973
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1969
- Raleigh Chopper Mk1 1969
- Some Titanic Delusions
- Putting the Christ Back in Christmas?
- Wallpaper Valentino Rossi Picture
- Ducati 1198R Corse Special Edition
- Ducati Hypermotard 1100 Pictures
- Ducati 848 Sportbike Wallpaper
- Ducati 1198S Pictures
- Ducati StreetFighter Picture
- Ducati Multistrada 1100 Motorcycle
- Casey Stoner Team Ducati
- Buell Firebolt XB12R Motorcycle
- Buell Ulysses XB12X Wallpapers
- Buell 1125R Wallpapers
- BMW G650X Country Side Motocycle
- BMW S1000RR Prototype Pictures
- BMW HP2 Motor Sport
- BMW K1300GT Wallpapers
- BMW F 800 ST Motorcycle
- Bimota Tesi 3D Best Pictures
- Bimota DB7 Oronero Motor Sport
- Aprilia Shiver 750 GT Sportbike
- 2010 Aprilia RSV4 Factory Motorcycle
- Aprilia Shiver 750 Picture
- Solving the Gun Problem Just in Time for Christmas
- Why Santa Feels Safer in Canada
- Motor Scooter Modification
- Scooter Electric Modified
- Y2K: Jet-Engine Motorcycles
- Y2K: Jet-Engine Motorcycles
- Scooter Modification Photo Collection
- Motorcycling: The Friendly Wave
- Yamaha Mio Modified New
- Toyota Yaris Modified new
- Modification mio with blue colour
- Matic From Kawasaki
- Matic From Kawasaki
- Now Shipping: Desert Dawgs Motorcycle Rain Guards ...
- First American Woman to Ride the Cannonball Run
- First American Woman to Ride the Cannonball Run
- How To Drive in Snow
- Honda CBR 600 Custom
- Honda CBR 600 Custom
-
▼
December
(302)
0 comments:
Post a Comment